Blue Ocean Floor
by XxSonXXofXXaXBananaXx
Summary: Insanity is what she drove me to. She left me wandering; shaking and sobbing and expected me to remain completely serene and at focus while my mind was deteriorating every second with non-existent phone calls and text. Now I have the urge to surround myself with her, down in nothing but depths of blue. The center of my world, my heart, was gone. And without a heart, you die.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Shake It Up, so please don't report me to the Disney people for writing about unicorns and rainbow sparkles and high heels and all the fancy schmancy.**

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I don't remember what time it was. But it was a good time. I had gotten a scholarship to Harvard, the dream school of all universities, my dad had come back home from studying marine biology for nine months, and there was another thing. I had maybe, sorta started dating someone; someone everyone would have never thought I'd go for.

It was a really cheesy, awkward ask-out, too. We were laying on my bed, talking about our trip to the Shedd Aquarium for summer break. She was close to me, as close as we would always be. She was warmer than usual.

"The aquarium is so pretty. All blue and diverse. I think I might study that with your dad."

"CeCe, you're crazy. My dad was out there for nearly eighteen months last time. I'd miss you everyday for almost two years."

"We could Skype." I turned my head and raised an eyebrow. "Last time I checked, there's no signal 2000 feet underwater." She playfully shoved me in the shoulder and sighed. "Come with me then, then we won't have to be alone," she went on. "We could be together forever, if we tried hard enough."

That sounded a bit off in my head, and I quietly asked,"How?" I glance and she's staring off into my bedroom walls, decorated with old posters of Niall Horan and Beyonce. I noticed her breathing become a little more staggered. She picked at her bed sheets and chewed her glossy bottom-lip. She was nervous. But for what would make me equally as nervous too.

"Okay, don't freak out, but... can I- I mean, will you- Do you wanna... go out?... With maybe... me?"

My immediate response to that was,"What?" The question sped and pounded inside my mind and my hands got clammy with tension. CeCe was a girl, and I was a girl, and we'd loved eachother for as long as I could fester. But _this_? This was something I'd never thought of. I didn't like her like that, I wasn't gay, and I'd never like her in such a way... Would I? No. I wouldn't.

I saw the sinking expression slowly paint CeCe's face and I took her hand, quickly backtracking. "No, no, I mean- Just, uh, okay." At that point, I didn't even know what I had unconsciously accepted to until CeCe squealed, grabbing my confused face and leaning over to press her lips against mine. And I swear, the first time I kissed a girl would be the last, because there, I think my heart had quietly made its own choice to get caught up in the thought CeCe.

So, we dated; slowly, and quietly. I was really strange and awkward about the entire thing at first. It was just knowing that everything was almost the exact same, yet everything had drastically changed; but my nerves settled after a few weeks. The way she squeezed my hand and whispered funny things into my ear during meetings for Shake It Up, Chicago. She'd bring me little doo-dads and come into my room at the peak of two in the morning, all dressed in her loose t-shirts, pajama shorts, and her Spongebob slippers. She'd climb into bed with me, thinking I was asleep and murmur,"Goodnight, Rocky," and her fingers would twirl through my hair until she fell asleep.

She was a good girlfriend. An amazing girlfriend. The word 'girlfriend' was still used very lightly out of privacy, though, but I didn't mind for now, and neither did CeCe. It was Ty that noticed first, and he seemed uneasy about it for a while. He watched CeCe plant a kiss on my cheek, and we both turned to find him staring with wide, curious eyes.

He didn't talk to me for almost a month, until one day while I was studying, he awkwardly asked,"Rocky... Do you gay? I mean, are you gay?"

I thought for a moment; was I? Then I said,"No." Ty confusedly gazed at me and responded,"But isn't CeCe a girl? And you're also a girl? Which makes you gay?"

I tilted my head at my ignorant, older brother. "CeCe isn't a girl, she's my heart." And she was. I didn't know how vital my heart was yet, until two months later.

It was the last day of school. CeCe had left school early, much to my confusion. It was when I gotten home, set my bag down, I was pushed against the sofa and concealed in a bone-crushing hug. The vanilla scent surrounded my nose and I knew it was CeCe; my CeCe. She pulled back in a red-blur, waving a paper in my face. The red tint in her face overpowered the excited look in her eyes. "_Look_! Look what I got in the mail!"

I narrowed my eyes and grabbed the paper, skimming it thoroughly until coming across a sentence that changed the rest of my life. "Oh my God, CeCe, you got accepted to Berkley! Oh my _God_!" I pulled her up, and we were giggling and dancing and she sighed, leaning my over to give me a kiss that'd I'd remember until today. She pulled back and whispered,"This is all your fault. Now I have to go all the way to Cali without you." The reality of our distance sunk into my mind. I'd be Massachusetts and she'd be all the way in California.

We were silent, but then I shrugged. "If I can deal with it, so can you." She hesitated but nodded; she nodded into the rest of our lives.

The airport was absolutely horrible. It was freezing inside the airport, CeCe and I bundled up in jackets, scarves, loose pants and boots. Tired, over-worked mothers with their disobedient, fussy infants and business men chatting up a storm with the nearest good-looking lobby-attendants; it was way too much for two college-bound girls with their possible dreams over one-hundred miles away.

_"Now boarding to Los Angeles, California, now boarding to Los Angeles, California."_

CeCe had been squeezing my hand for the past two hours, and while the circulation loss was slightly uncomfortable, it was just her way of trying to preserve my touch. She turned to face me and I saw her lip tremble. God, I wish she didn't do that; my chest felt like it was caving in, and I stood up. Four months. That's all it'd be. Then I could see her again.

She looked up to me. "Well, I guess this is it."

I nodded with my head hanging low, trying so hard to not let her see the tears collecting at the brinks of my eyes. My voice cracked,"I guess it is."

My gloved hands were pulled into her own. She spoke with such longing in her words, "I'm gonna miss you." I couldn't take her soft voice anymore. My body broke out into a fit of trembling and breathing so erratically and I pulled her into my body by the waist. Her chin rested on my shoulder and her arms slid around my neck. I squeezed tighter, as if I held her tight enough, she would change her mind and come to Massachusetts with me. God, she felt so warm then.

I felt her pull away lightly and her small gaze met mine. I'm sure that the tears and red cheeks didn't make me very appealing, and as she leaned in to kiss me, my tears got all over her face. A sob coughed out of me and against her mouth, more tears greeting CeCe's face as she pulled back and lightly kissed me again, strands of her red hair sticking to her cheek. She tilted her head and smiled at me. "I love you, Rocky."

I nodded again, watching her step backwards and her hand taking the handle on her suitcase. "I love you too... I love you so, so much, CeCe." She wipes the stray liquid from my face and leans in, leaving her thumb there and giving me what I believed to be the most painfully slow, sorrowful kiss I'd ever received in my life. She stood on her tip-toes, soft lips pushing against mine as hard as they could, slowly breaking it. Opening my eyes was the horrible part of that, having to look at her one final time; the swirling bronze embers in her eyes.

More and more steps, she'd back away from me. I couldn't go with her, I had my own flight to catch. But I had to let go of her hand. Her gentle, warm hand. She stepped back one more time and my hand dropped from hers, along with my heart dropping underneath my lungs. Four months, that's it.

She mouthed,"I love you," to me before disappearing into the frantic crowd.

I returned to my seat, and sat down, my head in a whirlwind of thoughts of CeCe.

"Is that your girl?" I followed the voice directed at me to the casually dressed, red-headed guy with a scruffy beard sitting on my right and nodded.

"Yeah... That's my girl."

"She looks good. Don't lose her."

I gently responded,"I won't." More to myself than him.

As expected, Harvard was bursting with only the most intelligent minds in the country. I'd been scattered across the large, historic campus many times, meeting new people, greeting my new professors, checking out the cafe, before finding my way into my dorm room at exactly nine PM. I hadn't met my room mate yet; hopefully they weren't the most horrible room mate on earth. These were all good distractions from the thought of CeCe being so far, anyways.

I looked around my spacious flat and sighed in content. It was already beginning to look really great here, but I felt so empty.

"Hey, I'm Haleigh, Haliegh Reef!"

"_JESUS_-" I flew against my bed as this girl seemed to appear out of, literally, nowhere. My heart pounded as I stared at her with wide eyes. The freckles speckled her cheeks and nose and she had blue eyes with surfer-blonde hair; she looked like a baby lamb.

"Oh my gosh, did I scare you? I'm so sorry, it's just that I'm so excited to be here at the school of my dreams and be here for the next four years and finally live my life to the fullest! By the way, I'm your new room mate!" She extended her hand and I had to watch it for a second before returning her firm handshake.

"I'm Rocky, Rocky Blue. Nice to meet you, Haleigh Reef."

"You're Rocky Blue? You're that amazing dancer from Shake It Up, Chicago!" I felt a hot rush on my cheeks; I didn't even know I had gained attention from dancing on that crazy show all these years. I nodded proudly, barely boasting"Yeah, that's me."

"Don't worry girl, Harvard isn't all serious like it seems. You'll love it here. They have these amazing spas off campus near-"

I began to back away from her slowly with my phone clutched in my right hand, inching off my bed and heading to the desk set in the corner, near the door. "Uh, Haleigh? I'd love to talk some more, but I have to make a quick call."

"Oh, gotta dial your boyfriend? I bet he's really cute." A lump the size of Texas formed in my throat, and I nervously played along.

"Yeah, he's uh... something." I quickly slid out of the room, leaving the talkative girl to tend to her own needs. Although she was nice, I could already tell that living with her for the next four months was going to be a bit of a challenge, mostly for my ears. I look down the empty hallways and lean against the sky blue walls, putting my phone to my ear.

"Hi." Someone's heart shouldn't flutter so easily at the sound of a voice.

"Hi, Rocky." I could just hear the smile in her voice.

"How's California treating you so far? Ready to fly back?" I joked. I was selfishly hoping that she'd actually say yes.

"Yep, I hate it here and I miss you and I wanna come home," she laughed. God, I missed her laugh, how it instantly made my body warmer and my skin tingle. "No but really, Rocky, it's absolutely amazing here. There's these pools and this cafe with these vegetarian hot dogs that you would've loved, and oh my gosh, the mall is so close to here, I'm gonna go shopping, like, everyday."

My eyebrows raised. "CeCe, don't blow all the money that your parents gave as a gift to you. You know that they won't be happy if you tell them that you spent two-hundred and fifty dollars on a pair of shoes from Louis Vuitton."

"God, how did you know that I was gonna?..."

"Because I know you. And I love you." The phone went silent for a minute, and I heard a sniffle. Darn, now I wanted to cry.

"I love you too, Rocks. And I miss you... but I'll see you soon, I swear."

"Slap-swear?" I joked.

"You know we're too old for that now. And the only thing I'd slap is your butt anyways, so." She always did that; tried cheering me up. We then remained in silence, the comfort of eachother's presence bring a warm essence to our conversation.

"... Well, I should get off the phone. My new roommate, Krissy, who looks a lot like Sarah Silverman by the way, left to get lunch for us and I told her I'd have the dorm set up a little when she got back," CeCe sighed.

"Oh, okay. I'll talk to you later then?" I asked softly, pushing off the wall and looking out the window that sported a bright, white moon.

"I promise. I'll talk to you everyday for the rest of my life, if I have to... because I love your voice, and the sound of it in the morning, and how I can wake up to it right in my ear... Well, not now, obviously, unless you call and I have the phone right by my ear so then-"

"CeCe- we'll skype in the morning, okay?" I ran my free hand through my hair, where CeCe's hand usually would of lay.

"Fine. Goodnight. I love you."

I felt like she and I were staring at the same moon as I whispered,"I love you, too."

And I sullenly closed the call.

She kept her promise. I'd be in the middle of a class and once every week, at the most, the familiar sound of the Apple ringtone echoed through the classroom. I'd hurriedly pull it out of my purse and blush as the classes narrowed their eyes at me. And I'd slip out of class, ending up giggling and swooning for her for the remainder of the lecture outside of the classroom. It'd become a bad habit within my college schedule, and once my professor had suggested to me to not come to class all together.

Oh, the things I did for my beloved redhead.

She still got me in trouble frequently even though she was thousands of miles away, but I loved her for it still. The fire in her.

My roommate still pondered why I would constantly skype and talk with "that funny-sounding ginger girl", and I would simply laugh and say,"She's the closest person to me." I couldn't describe how attached I'd become to her, and soon enough, I was the one calling her in the middle of class, making her step out of lectures, and growing on her heart. She loved it; she loved me. I loved her.

"Guess who gets to go diving tomorrow?"

It's cold and I'm alone in my dorm, writing down intense notes about the cardiovascular system when I get skype call from my infamous girl. My eyebrows are raised in suspicion and I warned,"CeCe, seriously, be careful. You know you can't swim that well, let alone go diving in the ocean, which is indescribably deep."

"Rocky, we've been in school for like two months now. I'm pretty sure I know what I'm doing."

I set my pencil down and looked straight at the screen, her face written with opposition. "CeCe, listen to me, do not do anything other than what the diving instructor tells you to do. Please, please don't. I don't wanna get a call that you almost drowned because you tried doing an underwater backflip next to a manta ray or something."

"Rocky, you know I'm kidding. I've been trained and we're not going that deep into the ocean. Plus there's going to be two medical teams on standby and there's going to be a professional diver going down with me to make sure specifically that I don't drown. So, HA," she finished before flipping her hair and giving me a duck face. Oh, this girl, I swear.

My feelings for her trip tomorrow had dramatically bettered and I smiled tiredly. "CeCe, babe, I love talking to you and I'd hate to get off but it's like three in the morning and I'm really, really tired and I have a quiz tomorrow."

"Oh, I get it now, you just don't wanna talk to me." She mockingly turned and away from the screen and crossed her arms.

"CeCe, you know-"

"Swerve."

I gave her a dead stare and she broke out into a fit of cute giggles, tilting her head. "I'm kidding, I know you have to have to sleep. I guess I'll let you then, since it's only like eleven or something here." She sighed heavily and leaned forward, smiling. "I love you."

My heart momentarily stopped and it hurt so badly, like a myocardial rupture. What more did my brain have to do to my weak emotions? I stared back at the screen with a small grin. "I love you too, CeCe. I love you so, so much."

"I know you do. And that's why I love you more than words can describe... I know it's really hard being away from you for so long, and there's always boys coming up to me and asking to take me on dates to Chipotle or the Macaroni Grill or whatever, and I just let my heart speak for me when I tell them, 'you're lovely, but I can't. There's this girl, this amazing girl, with pretty little brown eyes, long, soft hair that I love touching, and her smile; it's so cute, you'd love to see it. You'd love to see her. You'd love to experience what I get to with the most beautiful, amazing girl I've ever me, everyday. Even though she's miles away from me right now, fulfilling her life-long dreams at freaking Harvard, the best school, like, ever, I know that one day I'm gonna get to see her again. I'm going to able to love her right up close again, and feel everything about her again, just her skin and hear her shy voice; she's my entire life, and I love her so much. So I'm sorry, but I can't, because I have the most best girlfriend in the world.'"

My body trembled and shivered as liquid timidly fell from my eyes, and I croaked,"God, CeCe, why are you so amazing? Why do you have to be so far away from me?"

She yawns and I spot her wiping her eyes over and over, and small sniffles filtering through the audio. She tried to act so tough in front of me, but inside was just another big ball of emotion. "It's horrible, I know. But just a few more weeks, and I promise. I promise, we'll be together again."

"God, shut up, you're making me cry," I laughed with more tears gently caressing their way down my face. "Goodnight, baby."

"G'night, Rocky. I love you." I felt as if she was there, breathing against my lips, hands warm and pressed against mine, making me so feel so secure. I nodded and whispered,"I love you too."

And there. Right there. I shyly waved one last time, blowing her a kiss as she blew one back, and the call ended. I shut the laptop down and closed it, and put it under my bed. All my school stuff was set back in my bag, and I collapsed against the pillow with tire. And I fell asleep in bliss, knowing that I would see my girl again. My heart beat like I'd touch her and kiss her and love her for the rest of my life.

But I didn't. It wouldn't.

"Hello? Is this Raquel Blue?"

It was nine in the morning and I was heading to a class, when my phone rang. There were not many people on campus that day, and it was gray and cold out. I had on a brown trench coat, and I remember everything and every bit and piece. I was confused as to why I got a call from CeCe's cell but an old-sounding man had picked up.

"Yes, this is she. Who I am speaking with?"

His voice was light and dull and trembling. "This is Professor Dawn, I'm Cecelia's diving instructor and teacher for this year, and, um, I- I have to inform you of some news."

The words that left his mouth after that... My breath stopped and my throat tensed and I started shaking, like a person caught on with severe hypothermia. I just couldn't think, I couldn't react, and I was stuck. My lungs had quit functioning.

And I ran. I just ran as far as could. I didn't know where to go and I was so scared.

No. Just, no. Never. It didn't happen- It wasn't real. It couldn't be real. This wasn't supposed to happen to her and I. It was not real.

"Cecelia went diving at eight A.M. today with two other diving instructors for an extra credit class assignment..."

This wasn't supposed to happen, we were supposed to be together. We were supposed to live until we were old and get a dance studio and have kids.

"And while she was diving, the oxygen tank strapped onto her diving suit was pierced by a rusted iron shaft located on the bottom of the boat."

She was supposed to see me in three months. She was supposed to meet me at the airport and hug me and kiss me and cry with me. We were going to see eachother again. My CeCe. My girl.

"And before the two divers were unaware of CeCe's endangerment, she had gone more than three minutes without oxygen under a high pressure water level; the oxygen became unworthy to her lungs and... she- she stopped breathing..."

This wasn't supposed to fucking happen to_ me_. I was gonna marry her. I was going to love her for the rest of my life, until I died, until we died together. Why was this happening? She wasn't supposed to leave me like_ this._

I don't know what happened after that. All I can remember is flashes, crying, so many tears just coming out in rushes; Mrs. Jones, Flynn, Deuce, Dina, Ty, the Hessenheffers, not only for CeCe, but for me. I remember police teams dressed in yellow, speeding out in boats into the ocean. And God, the news, fucking_ CNN News_ was reporting it. Camera flashes and news reporters and memorials all over the _Shake It Up_ TV shows. I remember wearing black and not being able to stare out unto the edge of the beach... out into that menacing ocean that had sucked her in and taken her from me. I remember trembling hands on my shoulders and flowers set on the edge where the water would quietly wash in, stealing the roses with it's intake.

The ocean. I stared out at the ocean. And my heart ruptured. I had spells of delusion; she was calling me.

I just couldn't bare it. My fingers dialed her number again and again as if she'd pick and breathe,"It wasn't real. I'm right here, Rocky. Don't cry, baby." But she didn't pick up and I kept on listening in the darkness of the night for a phone call or a text message or something but it remained silent and I fucking wanted her back _so badly_. I missed her so much. I trembled as my roommate rubbed my back, quietly watching me die.

And now I'm here.

The value of my life had shrunk and I saw no worthiness in it anymore. I used to wake up, and my heart filled instantly with this fuzzy warmness, because I know somebody, the absolute center, the heart of my life, loved me. But my heart was gone, and without that heart, you die.

Dark, bluish-gray flushes filled the sky as I paddled out until the shore of the beach was gone and only the horizon of the ocean was visible. The air around me was thick and I'm in a wooden boat that rocks and jiggles with every push of the ocean air. I set the paddle down and stared into the deep, blue mist; I knew I was at that right spot. Where she had ventured and not returned.

I stood up in the wobbling boat, dressed up in the T-Shirt that she got me from that_ My Morning Jacket_ concert and a pair of jeans, no shoes, and the first jeans I wore on our first date, in which I fell and skid on the sidewalk and ripped a giant hole over my left knee. I hated those jeans, they made me look so provocative. But CeCe loved them on me; CeCe loved me. I felt so selfish, but they didn't understand yet. They hadn't felt their heart drowning in its own sorrow and staring into a mirror with pale skin, red-rimmed eyes and dead face. I had to see her again.

The sky was aging its way into darkness, and I hesitantly glanced down at the note sitting next to my pink rose. My body ached with longing and fear, but my mind buzzed with focus and anticipation. My heart pattered at an unreadable pace. My fingernails pierced the palm of my hand as I ducked my head to stare at the abyss of an ocean again.

I shut my eyes, whispering,"I'll see you soon, CeCe."

And out I jumped.

I knew what I was doing. I was blinded by blurs of blue and black, and I forced myself not to grab the edge of the boat. My body was already crying for air as it dropped deeper, but as I opened my mouth to breathe in, more liquid filled it. I coughed, only serving to bring more water into my lungs. I resisted so bad to come up, remembering who I would see again. Who I would touch again. Who I would love again.

I wouldn't have red eyes anymore. I would rest to her soothing voice again instead of the constant, ringing, white noise. No one could find us there, it would just be CeCe and I.

The real pain kicked in as my lungs began burning and screeching for oxygen. I didn't know what to do but push myself further down into the depths of the water. I know if I tried screaming now, the frequency was so low; no one could hear me. But for me, that was okay. That's what I needed to see her again.

Blurs became darkness. My weak body flailed and heaved against the heavy water . And I know, I saw a glimpse of curly red hair tinge my vision, and the sound of a faint heartbeat who wasn't my own filled my ears. I tried kicking my left leg out, to follow the direction of steady bump, leading me deeper and deeper. My last looked was filled with pure black and the sound of water moving through my ears, heartbeat slowing and slowing. And I kept falling, but with a lighter feeling. Because she'd be waiting for me. I'd meet her on the blue ocean floor.

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**Wow. This was really sad, but I intended it to be. This is based off of Justin Timberlake's song, Blue Ocean Floor, and well, it made sad when I first heard it. So I wrote about it and well, now I'm even sadder. This obviously did not work out. **

**I hope you can leave a review. If you don't wanna do that, then talk to me on tumblr at heathersapples. If you don't wanna do that, then you should still leave a review.**


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